This is a blog about my journey with bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed spring of 2011 and was admitted into a mental health hospital a month before my wedding. I struggled greatly for the next year and a half going on and off meds, experimenting with different forms of therapy and was readmitted to the hospital at the end of 2012. Since then I have been learning how to re-live my life. Seeing a wise, supportive, kind therapist once a week and emerging myself into Dialectical Behavioural Therapy are 2 of many ways that are helping me recover. I have found deep comfort and much strength in mindfulness practices, taught to me from DBT.

This blog is my way of allowing you to see into the life of someone who suffers from bipolar, depression and extreme anxiety. I want to own my story, and help defeat the stigma. I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone, or learn more about mental illness through the writings of my blog.

Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Soft balance

I don't even know what to write anymore.
Things are just bumpy, inconsistent. I can't say I'm doing good. I can't say I'm doing bad. I had a great weekend with great people, but an awful Monday evening. Anxiety is still building, but creativity is flowing.
It's such an eb and flow, I never know what to expect.
I'm finding myself comparing my journey to others who experience suffering, and end up frustrated that I can't will this away. That I can't just make up my mind to be happy, because I want to. And I try, which only makes things worse because it doesn't work. You'd think I would KNOW this already, but it's so hard. I feel alone in my illness, when everyone around me isn't struggling with this. I feel alone.

I said I would update you on some recent paintings. This one is a commission piece I did for some close friends. It is called "soft balance" and is all about finding balance in life. Whether that be work and home, rest and play, romance and friendship, mania and depression. Balance.
What a big word. The white splatters represent all the chaos and noise going on around us that make it so hard to achieve the balance that is underneath it all, waiting to be found, to be seen.

The first picture is a progression series and the second is "soft balance" in it's new home.



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3 comments:

  1. Anonymous19 March 2013 at 23:05

    Hi Richelle,
    I so admire you for your courage in sharing the most vulnerable moments of your life with people who may not even know you. I pray that God would give you and Ryan a peace that surpasses all understanding as you journey through this.
    -M

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  2. RusoQ27 March 2013 at 22:07

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. RusoQ27 March 2013 at 22:33

    I like the colors, some kind of primal swirling, with flecks and eye-floaters marring an otherwise clear vision. The background has a pictorial depth, and then the white flecks flatten the image and make it part of the wall.

    I admire your creativity, I guess its always ebb and flow. I've been struggling with depression in a major way since returning from India, coupled with a recurring drug habit, and have had virtually no desire to work artistically.
    Trying to open up about it, but it ain't easy. Communication can be very tough when it comes to deep rooted emotional problems. I'm getting possession of a studio in April tho, so I hope to re-engage that part of my life soon and shake off this wintery-ness, express myself in non-verbal ways a little more :)
    Happy Vernal Equinox, Light and Life be with you :)

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