This is a blog about my journey with bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed spring of 2011 and was admitted into a mental health hospital a month before my wedding. I struggled greatly for the next year and a half going on and off meds, experimenting with different forms of therapy and was readmitted to the hospital at the end of 2012. Since then I have been learning how to re-live my life. Seeing a wise, supportive, kind therapist once a week and emerging myself into Dialectical Behavioural Therapy are 2 of many ways that are helping me recover. I have found deep comfort and much strength in mindfulness practices, taught to me from DBT.

This blog is my way of allowing you to see into the life of someone who suffers from bipolar, depression and extreme anxiety. I want to own my story, and help defeat the stigma. I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone, or learn more about mental illness through the writings of my blog.

Saturday, 5 January 2013

The bad and the good

I feel like I should mention that my last blog post was not directed at anyone specific. I should also say that I understand that people's perception of me or of mental illness is based on not having the correct education. It is because people do not understand bipolar or mental illness that they 'try to help' the only way they know how. Our councillor is going to get me some informative articles on what it's like to have bipolar, and how to care for someone who suffers from it, so that I can give them out to those of you who want to know more. My words can only communicate so much and sometimes it's good to read something from an outside source.

A couple other things:
Yes I usually get a lot of anxiety from seeing people and visiting, but that anxiety is usually only leading up to our visit. When I actually see the person and start talking, my body relaxes and I know I have nothing to fear. It is very good for me to keep meeting with people amidst the struggle.

And also, please don't ever be afraid to ask me questions! I LOVE talking about my journey with bipolar and I love it when people are curious and want some things explained, I love it.

On other terms, I may have mentioned this but my family doctor, dr.prinsloo, is leaving. So I am without a doctor, which sucks. I just had my first follow up doc appt this week since being at Eden and it was with a doctor I had never met before. She knew nothing about my history or current situation and it was extremely stressful. I basically tell her exactly what had to happen with my meds and how many/how often blood work needs to be done, and it is just a lot to carry. It's just stupid because I will likely be seeing a different doctor every time and I need to be figuring out and perfecting my meds, which is hard to do when you have no consistent health care. Not to mention that family doctors don't really know what they are doing when it comes to mood stabilizer meds or anything. That's my rant.

Our house is currently under renovations and that is a huge stressor. My mom and dad have been here countless hours, painting and varnishing and helping out. But the house is often very loud with sanders and loud vacuums, so I spend a lot of time in the basement trying to avoid it all. I sure am thankful for all my parents help though.

Well that is just a bunch of negative stuff, so let me tell you some positives:
- Ryan and i's relationship has been really good. There have been times where I did not feel cared for or loved, but he has been giving me such quality care and support. A huge thing is that he is stopping doing photography now, so that frees up a lot of time for us to connect and spend time together

-the presence of little Jude has my heart skipping beats. He honestly makes me so happy, I am always looking at pictures of him that Amy sends me. I feel so lucky and blessed to be in his life.

-and the biggest joy of all......
Rose and Steve are having their 3rd child, due at the beginning of August! This is extra special for me because when Rose was pregnant with Easton and Neveah, I wasn't part of the family really. But this time I get to journey with Rose through the pregnancy, and be the most involved, loving, care giver of an aunty ever!!! I am beyond thrilled!

So I will choose to dwell on these happy thoughts.
Oh, here is a picture of little Jude...

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