This is a blog about my journey with bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed spring of 2011 and was admitted into a mental health hospital a month before my wedding. I struggled greatly for the next year and a half going on and off meds, experimenting with different forms of therapy and was readmitted to the hospital at the end of 2012. Since then I have been learning how to re-live my life. Seeing a wise, supportive, kind therapist once a week and emerging myself into Dialectical Behavioural Therapy are 2 of many ways that are helping me recover. I have found deep comfort and much strength in mindfulness practices, taught to me from DBT.

This blog is my way of allowing you to see into the life of someone who suffers from bipolar, depression and extreme anxiety. I want to own my story, and help defeat the stigma. I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone, or learn more about mental illness through the writings of my blog.

Saturday, 16 March 2013

Painting, distraction and anxiety

If you're friends with my on Facebook you will have probably noticed that I have been doing a lot of artwork lately! Oh boy, have I indeed! My creative flow comes and goes, and this time it is coming with great force and motivation. Which feels great bc I haven't been creative in so so long. I've done a few commission large scale paintings, and a lot of watercolour portraits. Some of the pieces I've done were done in memory of someone who had passed away, and each time I would get a vision of that person in heaven. I would be moved to tears, where I has to stop painting and just let Jesus speak to me. It was such a powerful experience.
I hope to show you all my new paintings, and explain their meaning to me in the next while, but right now concentration is really hard for me.
It has taken me 2 weeks to write this short post so far.
I can't concentrate on anything. Conversations. Cooking. Reading. Driving. Grocery shopping. Playing games. Everything is full of distractions.
I'm also very hard to entertain these days. It used me that I would just put on a tv show and I'd be good to go! But I hate watching tv now bc it is so boring. Painting and organizing seem to be the only two things that I like to do.

The other change is that my anxiety has been through the roof lately. I don't know what causes it, but I'm up and awake at 3 am most days, working around the house, filled with anxiety. If I have to leave the house for something I feel scared. Scared! Like fearful and I start sweating and crying and my heart is racing. It's fear. I know rationally I have nothing to worry about, but that doesn't matter. It is not situational anxiety!

Can anyone else relate to that?!

Until next time,

Here is one of the paintings I recently finished.

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