This is a blog about my journey with bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed spring of 2011 and was admitted into a mental health hospital a month before my wedding. I struggled greatly for the next year and a half going on and off meds, experimenting with different forms of therapy and was readmitted to the hospital at the end of 2012. Since then I have been learning how to re-live my life. Seeing a wise, supportive, kind therapist once a week and emerging myself into Dialectical Behavioural Therapy are 2 of many ways that are helping me recover. I have found deep comfort and much strength in mindfulness practices, taught to me from DBT.

This blog is my way of allowing you to see into the life of someone who suffers from bipolar, depression and extreme anxiety. I want to own my story, and help defeat the stigma. I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone, or learn more about mental illness through the writings of my blog.

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

guilt.... be gentle. it is a process.

Today I am struggling with guilt.
I feel guilty for asking for support in my previous post.
I feel guilty for being a burden on my friends and family.
I feel guilty for having bipolar and putting my husband through such shit.
I feel guilty for feeling guilty! AH it's such a vacuum!

I haven't been taking much action to counteract this guilt, because I am tired. I am so so tired. Not just physically but emotionally. This driving back and forth from Eden every day thing is tiring. I'm tired of all the emotional/mental work that I've done these past 2 weeks. I just need a good rest, to relax.

On Saturday morning, when I arrived home for the first time, I received an e mail from my dear lovely friend Bev. At the end of the email she wrote "Be gentle with yourselves and your family today, no matter what happens... it is a process". Those words have been a blanket of peace over Ryan and I. I think it will be a mantra for us to live by for the next while.... be gentle. it is a process.

p.s. if you are feeling like this blog would be beneficial for you to share with someone else, please do. I have lifted up the privacy settings, so anyone can access it now.

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