This is a blog about my journey with bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed spring of 2011 and was admitted into a mental health hospital a month before my wedding. I struggled greatly for the next year and a half going on and off meds, experimenting with different forms of therapy and was readmitted to the hospital at the end of 2012. Since then I have been learning how to re-live my life. Seeing a wise, supportive, kind therapist once a week and emerging myself into Dialectical Behavioural Therapy are 2 of many ways that are helping me recover. I have found deep comfort and much strength in mindfulness practices, taught to me from DBT.

This blog is my way of allowing you to see into the life of someone who suffers from bipolar, depression and extreme anxiety. I want to own my story, and help defeat the stigma. I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone, or learn more about mental illness through the writings of my blog.

Monday 3 December 2012

paradise

Friends and family,

 Big news coming to you today! This week I have an evening/overnight pass every day. Which means I'll be going to Eden every morning for programming, meeting with my psychiatrist and doing groups/therapy etc, but then get to come home once that's done (around 3). We all feel it'll be good to see how I'm ACTUALLY doing in my "natural environment", exposes to the usual triggers and stressors. I am excited, nervous, relieved, scared, and curious about what's to come.
I am on the road to recovery, but it is far from over. 

 Not sure if I used this analogy yet or not but it's something my psychiatrist told me. Say you get a hip surgery. Once you go home from having that surgery, you go home to recover. You don't go home %100 better, and you have to be patient and allow time for your scars to heal. Similarly for me, I'm not %100 better, I don't even know if i'm %75 better, but that all takes time. As I begin this journey to be discharged from hospital, I do ask for your continued support (visiting, meals, prayer etc). Part of me feels like the hard work is going to come now. I've had a pretty 'easy' go in Eden, but now I need to implement what I've learned, and come back to real world. 

 I've talked to a lot of you about what a support system would look like when I get discharged from hospital, and it's starting to be the time for that to happen I guess. My nurses and psychiatrist always comment on how much support I have, and how they've never seen such a community gather around someone. ISN'T THAT COOL?!?!

 I am seriously sooooo blessed (and ryan too!) by everything everyone has done for us. That is really what is making this time in hospital so much easier. I have support. I know what support looks like now. I know what support means now. I am supported. I have support. I am crying, haha.

 Today on my way home from Eden, I had the song "Paradise" by Coldplay CRANKED in the car and it was awesome! I started listening to the words, and with tears streaming down my face, I connected so well the words.....


When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
And the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on
It gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear,a waterfall
In the night, the stormy night
She closed her eyes
In the night, the stormy night
Away she'd fly.
And dreamed of para- para- paradise
Para- para- paradise
Para- para- paradise
Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh
She dreamed of para- para- paradise
Para- para- paradise
Para- para- paradise
So lying underneath those stormy skies.
She said
I know the sun must set to rise.



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